Last night my book club went to dinner instead of talking about a book. In general I had a nice time. Good food, lots of laughs and of course a few stinging reminders that I was the only one without kids. My "I" of infertility was definitely isolated and slightly infuriated (infuriated may be too strong of a word). I rode with one of the ladies who lives in my neighborhood and it just so happens she has a month and half old baby. It's hard because I don't really gush over the baby like I used to. I keep my distance and detach myself from the situation as much as I can. At one point during the dinner I was looking at the baby and almost started crying.
Much of the time is spent talking about everyone's kids. Which is what I expect. Only two of the group work full time in an office and the rest of the group are stay at home mom's so their day revolves around their children. I am OK with these conversations. I know that is where people are in their life and I was a nanny for 10 years so I have some insight into what they are talking about and have no problem adding to the conversation. But what really infuriated me is a comment one of the ladies said, I asked about her baby who is teething and she said that the baby was really uncomfortable and grumpy and she almost put a post of Facebook asking if anyone wanted a 6 month old. I was so mad because - Yes, someone does want a 6 month old even if they are teething - ME! I was so mad! This friend also has struggled with infertility for many years and she knows the pain of not having one and wanting one sooo bad. I could feel the flash of anger cross my face and I'm not sure of she saw it at all. On the way out to the car someone else made a comment about how I can't complain about being out so late because I don't have kids and won't have to be up in middle of the night.
It's amazing how when you are dealing with infertility normal social interactions turn into emotional minefields.
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